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“My Life’s Wonderful Now….” - “I was devastated when, only two months after celebrating our thirtieth wedding anniversary, my husband asked me for a divorce,” reveals Sylvia Roberts (63). “I felt as though something was shattering deep inside me.

“We were preparing to move to Florida as my husband’s new position at work entailed a transfer to the USA. But it wouldn’t be me who would be accompanying him to the new life we had been planning. It would be the woman he had been having an affair with for several years, “I fell to pieces but, thankfully, my two sisters were incredibly supportive, as were my daughters, Claire and Hannah. I also had the most wonderful friends, although they kept trying to console me by saying that things would get better which, at the time, I thought was totally impossible.

“One of my friends had recently been left by her husband and we supported each other. After being half of a couple for so long, we both dreaded social occasions but, by doing these things together, everything was that little bit easier. “My life changed completely in so many ways. I had to give up the family home and, as I’d been left with very little money and no prospect of a pension, I had to find a full-time job — no easy task when you’re in your mid-fifties. Finally, I rang a friend who had set up his own business and explained that I was desperate for work and, thanks to him, I started the new millennium with a job.

“That was when I realised that my friends had been right — things were improving. I no longer wanted to spend every evening sitting crying and I was beginning to appreciate being my own boss. “I’ve been on my own for eight years now and I can honestly say that my life’s wonderful and I’m enjoying every minute of it!”

Facts & Figures

· Over one third of marriages now end in divorce.

· The proportion of divorced or separated people in their 50s has doubled over the last 20 years.

· In 2002, 18,296 marriages that had lasted for more than 24 years ended in divorce — that’s over 12% of the total (147,735).

· According to the Office of National Statistics, over the last ten years, the average age of divorce has risen from 39 to 42 years for men and 36 to 40 years for women.

Stress Busters

Going through a separation or divorce is incredibly traumatic — reduce your stress levels with these tips from Paul Maitland of www.ondivorce.co.uk

1. Concentrate on what is happening now and your plans for the future - try not to dwell on past problems.

2. Make a note of the problems that need to be dealt with, list in order of importance and then go through the list, tackling one at a time.

3. Be realistic about what you can handle - don’t be afraid to say “no”.

4. Share your feelings with someone you trust.

5. Plan a change of scenery and day-to-day routine - perhaps by taking a short break.

6. If work is part of the problem, try to establish and deal with whatever is causing you stress.

7. Make time for leisure activities and relaxation.

8. Exercise for at least 15 minutes a day.

9. Incorporate relaxation techniques into your lifestyle.

10. If you are feeling very stressed, seek help from your family doctor.

Be Practical

When a marriage comes to an end, many things have to be taken into consideration, such as childcare, money and who will live where.

This can be decided upon informally but, as there can be long-term implications, it is best to consult a solicitor or visit your local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB), where a trained advisor will be able to help you.

Help!

For more information about coping with divorce, contact:

· Relate — 0845 456 1310 or visit www.relate.org.uk

· BACP — 0870 443 5252 or visit www.bacp.co.uk for your nearest BACP accredited therapist or counsellor.

· Citizens Advice Bureau - look in the phone book for your local CAB or visit www.citizensadvice.org.uk

· www.adviceguide.org.uk — the Citizens Advice information and advice website

· www.direct.gov.uk

(Source: My Weekly 28^th January 2006)