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In 2003 I met a wonderful man, i didn't have much confidence but he made me feel like i was a super star, and that i was the most wonderful person in the world. A year later we got married and i had our first child. Everything was wonderful, life was finally dealing me a good hand. Then in 2006 we had our second child and my husband fell ill with an infected foot. So he could no longer work, he couldn't even walk very far. Everything from then on started to go down hill. He sat in the flat all day, feeling sorry for himself, feeling bored and depressed. Just watching repeat telly. I did my best to keep his spirits up and to look after two children, a dog and keep the house and the finances going. But he wouldn't sign-on, so i couldn't get any rent and council tax benefits, everything was mounting up and i was getting depressed too. But still he didn't face up to things. He just sat there in his chair watching telly and getting annoyed with me for even mentioning that i was worried about things. He would tell me that i was nagging him and that i was being selfish and that i ought to be grateful for what i had.
He made me feel like, i was worrying over nothing, that i was not confident enough to be a good mother and that he knew better than i did on everything. Basically he put me down at every chance he got and eventually he when too far, when one morning i asked him to leave. He then locked me out of my home with two young children. While i was out at the shops, i also found out later that he had trashed my computer and he had left post it notes all over the place, with little sarcastic notes on them. They were all over the flat. Now as time goes on i find out more and more about him. To cut a long story short he had lied to me all thru our marriage from start to finish and is still lying to me.
He told me that his 1st wife had had an affair and he had divorced her and it was the other way round. He told me that he had seeked medical advice about his foot and there was nothing they could do about it, when i enquired he hadn't been near a doctors for years. He spent money, like it was going out of fashion. He even made me feel guilty if i didn't spend money on him. Now i am in debt and everything is under my name. He decided to buy a caravan recently and told me that they have a swimming pool there and that they have 14 life guards at all times looking after the swimmers, no caravan site has that. But he didn't get it in the end cos he couldn't raise the deposit, but on benefits how did he expect to buy a caravan anyway, he promised my son the sweet life of the holiday caravan site and now he had left my son wondering what is going on. When we were married he never wore his wedding ring, but now it is on a chain on his neck and if our children pull at it he tells them not to as it is a very important item.He has lied about so much and i don't understand why. I even believe that him divorcing me was a bluff to get me to take him back, but that it back fired. He says that he will never marry again, as marriage is not for him. But what he doesn't seem to realise is that his lies pushes everyone away.
We recently had an argument about him seeing the children and he didn't like the fact that i didn't want him in my house on his own, he got so angry that he accused me of abandoning him when he got ill, of not supporting him enough in his moment of need and even bought an ex into the argument someone i hadn't even thought of since i had been seeing him. He told me that if this ex came back on the scene i would do anything for him, but i wouldn't thats my past, thats over and done with. He told me that he was only a lodger when he lived with me cos only my name was on the rent card, but that wasn't true, i didn't know that was the councils rules, so when we split up they wouldn't find anywhere for him to live. He told me that he volunteered to pay csa payments of £5 a week and cos he was on benefits he didn't have to do that, but i have found out that it is not voluntary, it is compulsory. He told me that he was the one that worked and i spent all his money. But when he got ill i told him that i would be willing to go back to work but he said no, the arrangement was that i stayed at home and looked after the children and that he provided for them. He was so angry and telling so many lies that i asked him to leave. At that point he got up, stormed out of the house and totally blanked our son, who was in tears for quite some time afterwards, now my son has become reliant on my dad and wants to see him everyday and won't let his granddad out of his site. It is heartbreaking to see but what can i do when there is no getting thru to his daddy. He honestly believes what he is saying is the truth and gets very angry and defensive when i confront him about them.
So from one day to the next i don't know where i stand with him. i wish i had never been taken in by him, but then i think if i hadn't i wouldn't now have two wonderful children and they are the only reason i haven't lost my mind, i love them to bits and have to keep strong for them, but sometimes it is hard. Especially at night when i am alone, then it seems i am very alone. I long for someone to just give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be ok. But deep down i know it is going to be a long while yet before everything is alright. I have the feeling that he hasn't finished lying to me just yet and that he has saved the worst for last and the end is a long way off yet. I hope i am wrong.
As yet he has no place to have the children and so can't go for custody of them, but i dredd it if he ever does find somewhere to live, as i feel that would be his next move and i feel his lies may just get him thru and he is yet to cause a lot of heartache, not just for me but for the children too. I so wanted a marriage that would last forever and cannot believe that it has all ended so badly, if i am dreaming then this is a nightmare and i want to wake up now. Please.
Anyone with any advice on what to do next, how to survive, all comments gratefully received.
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