31years
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Re:seperated and going on 50!! - 2008/05/04 07:22
I just got divorced after being married to my high school sweet heart for 32 years. I did not know he was seeing someone else that he had been working for. Not only did I not know but my son who worked with him, none of his friends or family knew. It just makes me wonder now if this had been going on for years and I missed the signals. Tonight I went by my old house where he now lives because I chose to give up keeping it since it is on his family's farm and I saw that his girlfirends car was there. It wouldn't have hurt so much except that it was already 11:30 p.m. and all the lights were out so that can only mean one thing. She is now living in my house and living the life I was supposed to have. My kids are adults with kids of their own. My son is busy with his new baby, wife, farming and a regular job. My daughter is in a new relationship that is taking up most of her time. My daughter and her daughter lived with us for the first 4 years of her life and it is very hard because they were in the process of moving out when this all happened. IIt is like my life is being put on hold and I am in the wings just watching. My husband was the type of person who never wanted anyone else too close because he didn't want anyone to know his business. So he had distanced me from my family and many of our friends over the years. Now I wonder if that just was his way of keeping me from finding out more about what he was up to. It is sort of surreal. I feel more like he is dead than that he divorced me. Everyone that knows us was reeling when it first happened. Now it is more like well, that's over so let's move on. I feel left out, left behind and thrown away. By my husband leaving me I lost all of my closest friendships because they were with his 7 brothers and sister. We had so many things we did with them socially, in sports, for recreation and just family outings and vacations. Of course now it is awkward because they can't really invite me. That was my social life, my church life and my family too. I am closer to his family than I have every been to any other group and I feel like that part of my life was ripped away from me and just handed over to someone else. What's even worse is that I don't even know this other woman and I hate knowing she is 10 years younger and thinner than me. I hate knowing that she is in my house living my life! And how do I meet men now. I live in a little bitty town that does not even have a grocery or gas station in the middle of the country. The only thing here are two bars. I am not looking for someone who stays out at a bar all night. I am looking for a true relationship and a man that has not screwed around on his ex like mine did. I think trusting anyone will be a big issue. Sorry I am such a downer. I hope to talk to you later.
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