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new to this seperated and going on 50!! am i being selfish? just separated View all forums

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Boardwalk :: Forum > Live Forums > Relationships


jules_2008	am i being selfish? - 2008/01/17 23:49 My husband left 7 months ago, as we had some issues that have been going for years. I didnt want him to leave and suggested we go to a counsellor to fix it. He left anyway and i decided that i needed to be strong for our kids. Infact i have been happier on my own with the children since then as i realised how miserable he made me. He is now living away is a small bedsit and is a student. When he wanted to visit the children (which was not often) i allowed him to stay over as he lived far away. I helped and accomdated him whenever i could and he never returned the respect and has made things difficult for me to move on. Telling me he is lonely and depressed and blaming me for being strong...he wont except that he chose to leave. The last time he visited i checked his mobile (wrong i know but i had my doubts) And i found out he is in a relationship with another student. The messages were very intimate and suggested they are in love and have been sharing their room. Now i feel crushed....I cant sleep or eat and the messages go round and round in my head....i visualise things i shouldnt. He was never romantic with me and i feel worthless. I was upset with the deceit that he let me believe he was lonely and depressed and that he was only away to "assess the situation" Suddenly all my strengh has gone and i want to talk with him, and hug him. I feel like i need him to comfort me when i should be angry with him? I keep thinking of the things I should have done to save the relationship. But rationally i know i tried really hard and that he never treated me well. Whats going on with me? I feel like i am going insane?
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Sussex lady	Re:am i being selfish? - 2008/01/20 14:20 Hi Jules! You are right to feel cheated and used no one needs to have someone off load all their worries and woes on them which just fills you with guilt and all because you have managed to be strong and get on with things - even though your heart might be breaking you did it! I don't know what problems you had prior to the split but it looks like your man is enjoying being a student - feeling young and free again - but he is not free really - he has a family so it won't last I think he will be sorry. But you have to continue to be strong you were making a start so continue and think seriously do you really want to be with someone who could 'switch off' on then on to someone else so easily and tells you he is depressed yet is enjoying life elsewhere? Love hurts they say but feeling used and lied to hurts more........ Good luck!!
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jules_2008	Re:am i being selfish? - 2008/01/23 23:48 Thanks for your reply
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